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All audience reviews of 3G

  • 3G movie review - Call Me Maybe

    Nikhil Arora (50 DM Points)

    Desimartini | Updated - March 14, 2013 20:12 PM IST
    3.0DM (469 ratings)

    Verdict - 3G is utterly ridiculous

    3GWatch trailerRelease date : March 15, 2013

    3G is ridiculous horror film, as silly as they come. The first hour is entirely made up of a couple bursting into random bouts of lovemaking while they are interrupted by a ghost over and over again. Throw in two bad songs and you have an odd set-up for a horror film. Let's go further back to a disclaimer at the start of the film, which informs us of a statistic about untraced cellular phone calls. Those which say 'Unknown Number'. The second text informs us that these are spirits calling from the netherworld. No kidding, this is given to us as factual information.

    Sam (Neil Nitin Mukesh) and Sheena (Sonal Chauhan) are vacationing in Fiji. How long does a vacation last, on an average? Don't ask these two holiday-junkies as they seem ready to settle down wherever they go. I guess this is more because they have two acts of a screenplay to trudge through. While they are nuzzling up when Sam gives his girlfriend a surprise visit, he clumsily loses his mobile phone. Next thing we know he buys a second-hand phone. The music informs us this is not going to be good. At least something is kind enough to pass this vital information. But nothing prepares you for the laughable plot that lies ahead. Jump scares and loud music are to be found at every corner. If you're into that kind of stuff, you would be scared. I was utterly bored.

    Boredom doesn't always come alone; here it is strangely accompanied by unintentional humor. There is a scene, which would be my favorite unintentionally funny moment, where Sam and Sheena are traveling in a taxi and he decides to watch a football match on his phone (Is he a football fan? No, that would mean the writers thought about something called character background. Let's not get our hopes up, please) Now, while he's busy watching this match, out of nowhere a carefully aimed football comes inside the taxi and smacks him on his face. No, this isn't the funny bit. The Einstein-ish Sheena asks 'Kaun tha woh?' There is a brief pause. We wait for a substantial reveal. To this Sam replies ominously and with a straight face: 'Bhoooot'.

    Good job, you guys. Football chucking ghouls is what was left for us to watch. Sam is clearly the dumbest protagonist you could ever have in a horror film.

    Post-interval the tables are turned as Sheena comes up with a brilliant suggestion. She suggests they should go to the police. Why was I watching this sorry excuse for a film again? To tell you not to. Anyway, the word 'table' reminds me there was another film set in Fiji that came earlier this year which was much better at horror than this film called Table No. 21. It didn't have a single ghost in it but instead a haunting past. Watch that instead of this one. Incidentally, it is written by the directors of this film.

    This is a wasted opportunity. A film with a ghost in a cell phone premise, could have been a commentary on cellphone addiction or nomophobia. I guess that would be asking for way too much.

    Neil Nitin Mukesh should choose better projects. A good actor should be a good decision maker first. I can't believe how anyone would read the ghastly final act of this script and not politely decline to be involved with it in any manner. I can't even begin to tell you how inane the final reveal is for the risk of sounding stupid myself. This obviously is about the unfinished business of the ghost.

    (Spoiler alert, you've been warned... of reading it here and not having to sit through it)

    Without giving away much, let me just sound you off that it has something to do with the porn industry and a bad break-up. Basically, the filmmakers (either one of them or both) went through a weird break-up. They thought we would be interested in watching how horrifying it must have been. Mission accomplished? The last part, yes, not so much the first.

    The film ends with a text that informs us about a statistic that deals with the porn industry. The second text tells us how many break-ups it has caused. No kidding, of all the things the porn industry has caused, we are told about how many times it has been behind the end of a relationship. That's just great. Let me just go further back to the point where the film throws one quote around, for god-knows-what reason - 'Time heals all wounds'. I wish time would heal my memory of sitting through this foolish and shady attempt at a horror film.

    (End of spoilers and the ordeal)

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